Swans

Happier & Healthier Living: Sandwich Generation

by on 19. May, 2013 in Living Happier & Healthier Lives

header-healthy3

The Baby Boomer Sandwich
I remember some years ago someone saying that baby boomers would be a sandwich generation. By the time they were in their middle years they might have frail parents while still be looking after their own children or helping with grandchildren. At the time I dismissed the comment, thinking that the main focus would be the children and they’d just do their best for the parents. But here we are.

I cannot tell you how many of my friends have grandchildren and frail parents and are struggling with all their commitments, sometimes at the cost of their own health.

Isn’t it said that if the oxygen masks come down on a plane, a mother should put hers on before her children’s, so she will still be alive in order to help them. Well the same idea needs to apply to baby boomers. Obviously they have to try to meet the needs of all those dependent upon them in their family but if their health goes downhill then their dependents won’t receive their support anyway.

A Cautionary Tale
A baby boomer had children and an aged mother, who needed her support. She shopped for her mother and did her washing and some cleaning. She also had a high powered job, husband and family. Then she developed cancer. She asked her mother to accept help from a care agency, but the mother insisted that she would not have strangers in the house, so the baby boomer carried on with her care whilst undergoing cancer treatment. Her husband did his best to look after the family and care for his wife but eventually she died. Then her mother was looked after by ‘strangers’ – professional carers who came into her home and did the same duties as her daughter had done. The mother is still going strong. And the moral of this story is…

Swans

Well the moral is that baby boomers need to add their needs into the equation. They need to plan time for their family (partners and children/ grandchildren) and they need to plan time for their parents (either actual care or checking that suitable care is in place) but just as importantly they need to plan time for their own friends and interests. They will deal with everything in a better way and more easily if they are happy. Without some relaxing time and time off from caring for others, either their physical or mental health, could go down and then where would everyone be? Sometimes their personal time will be stolen by an emergency. That’s life. Then they should immediately reschedule their personal time so they don’t lose it. And if their families think the baby boomer is being selfish then that’s their problem.

So my prescription for the baby boomer sandwich generation is a minimum of one activity you enjoy with friends a week, planned special time with your nearest and dearest and at least one night out a month with the girls!

And the picture? It’s something I enjoy. I love watching swans. They are so beautiful. I go bird watching with my husband about once a month. It’s always special.

Read full story • Comments { 0 }
Georgia Aquarium

The Gypsy Girl’s Guide to Atlanta, GA

by on 17. May, 2013 in Gypsy Girl's Guide

header-gypsygirl

Last summer I ventured to Atlanta, Georgia for a weekend girlfriends’ getaway hosted from a childhood friend. I discovered that Atlanta has much to offer visitors. I visited several attractions, but the unbearably hot 100° plus weather prohibited me from visiting several others. Here is a list of some of the places I visited and several others I intend to visit on future trips.

Dining:

Cafe Intermezzo 2My fondest memories of the trips include eating takeout and drinking my friend’s delicious mango margaritas while we sat around her table during the wee hours of the morning reminiscing and laughing until we cried. However, after attending a concert we went to the Midtown Café Intermezzo for a tantalizing meal that fell somewhere between a scrumptious dinner and a decadent brunch. We capped the meal off with a selection from their delicious cakes and pies.

On my next trip to Atlanta I plan to visit some of the following eateries, highly-recommended by a dear girlfriend who lives in the city:

Gladys Knight and Ron Winans’ Chicken & Waffles – To be honest, the idea of chicken and waffles have always seemed like a pretty bizarre combination to me. But every single person I’ve ever asked about this odd combo gushes about it with near orgasmic enthusiasm. Now that I’m eating meat again, it’s time I put chicken and waffles to the test for myself. Where better to try it than a restaurant that celebrates the duo with such grand flair? Plus there’s the whole, “I hope I get to see Gladys” thing.

Mary Mac’s Tea Room – The restaurant was established in 1945 by Mary MacKenzie when enterprising women were making a living by opening their own eateries.  The menu is filled with down-home favorites like chicken and dumplings, Brunswick stew, peach cobbler, and bread pudding with wine sauce. They still fix meals the old-fashioned way, but also offer gluten-free options.

Atlanta Fish Market – This restaurant, located in Buckhead, promises gracious service and the widest selection of fresh seafood in the Southeast. The menu is printed twice daily in order to offer more than 100 varieties of flown-in-fresh fish. Enjoy fresh fish, lobster, shrimp, and crab prepared a variety of ways. The restaurant also offers an oyster bar and sushi.

Things to Do:

Shopping

  • Underground Atlanta sprawls over six city blocks and three levels in the heart of downtown Atlanta. This city beneath the city opened in 1969 and still has many significant architectural features that were found in the original structure. Take a guided or self-guided tour of this history-filled attraction brimming with shops, restaurants, and entertainment.
  • Atlantic Station is a lifestyle center that offers the live-work-play concept at its very finest. Stroll this retail shopping complex and visit its numerous stores and eateries housed in attractive brick buildings. The warm, inviting retail space feels like a small village and includes attractive green space.
  • Lenox Square Mall — This four-level Simon mall in the heart of Buckhead bills itself as “the premier shopping destination for fashionistas throughout the Southeast”. How can you possibly resist that?
  • Phipps Plaza — Looking for an upscale shopping experience? Phipps Plaza is where many of Atlanta’s wealthiest and most famous residents (and their stylists) shop. In addition to shops like Saks, Nordstrom, Tiffany, and Gucci, there are also numerous eateries and entertainment options including a movie theater and LEGOLAND Discover Center.

Attractions

  • Chastain Park Amphitheater PicnicStone Mountain Park –  Georgia’s most popular attraction is an excellent way to spend the day with the family with countless activities to keep everyone happy. The park is situated on more than 3,200 acres and includes SkyHike®–a trek through the treetops on the nation’s largest adventure course. Get up close and personal with the Stone Mountain Carving via cable car. Enjoy a scenic rail ride around the mountain. Enjoy the numerous seasonal activities and the spectacular laser show.
  • Six Flags Over Georgia – Love pulse-pounding rollercoasters and thrill rides? Visit the theme park for a day of fun that will meet the demands of coaster enthusiasts and little ones who aren’t quite tall enough for more daring rides.
  • Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historic Site — Tour Dr. King’s birth home. Stroll along the International Civil Rights Walk of Fame where a parade of granite markers features the actual footstep impression of celebrated civil and human rights leaders and icons like Rosa Parks.
  • Chastain Park Amphitheater — Take in a concert in this outdoor amphitheater nestled in the Buckhead neighborhood. My friends and I attended the Jill Scott Block Party with special guests Kem and DJ Jazzy Jeff, depspite the stiflingly hot weather. I was quite literally melting. Yet, we were on our feet dancing and singing most of the night. If you have a group, invest in a table and make it a picnic underneath the stars.

Places to Visit:

  • Georgia Aquarium - the world's largest aquariumGeorgia Aquarium — This is the most remarkable aquarium I’ve ever seen. And no wonder, as the world’s largest aquarium it houses 120,000 animals in more than eight million gallons of water and includes petting pools where even a fraidycat like me can stroke small sharks and stingrays. It’s a pricey attraction, but worth every penny. Take the whole family. It’s an experience you won’t soon forget.
  • World of Coke — As a die-hard Pepsi drinker, I found the fascination with Coke amusing initially. However, the fact that an entire museum is dedicated to the beverage and the long lines of people waiting in 100° plus weather made it clear just how much  the world loves Coca-Cola. Explore fascinating historic artifacts from all over the world. Get a peek at the secret vault that houses the top secret formula. Taste Coca-Cola beverages from all over the world. The World of Coke was fun and educational. My favorite part was tasting the varieties of soft drinks Coca-Cola makes. Some were quite good. Others were odd. But it was interesting to see how taste varies from one continent to the next. It’s worth the admission for this experience alone.
  • Centennial Park — Maybe a trip to the Olympics as either a participant or spectator isn’t in your future. However, you can visit the site of the 1996 Centennial Olympic Games at Centennial Park. This attraction is directly across the street from World of Coke and the Georgia Aquarium, which are adjacent to one another. So it’s easy to visit all three attractions in a single day. However, if you’d prefer to take your time and savor the experience, spread your visits out over a couple of days.
  • Atlanta Botanical Garden — Explore more than thirty acres of lush greenery and exhibits. View the garden from the Kandeda Canopy Walk. Explore the Edible and Cascades Gardens. Get tips on how to improve your own garden and learn about conservation.
  • Zoo Atlanta — Founded in 1889, the zoo is Atlanta’s oldest cultural institution, and one of the ten oldest zoos in continuous operation in the United States. Zoo Atlanta spans nearly forty acres and houses more than 1,500 animals representing 200 species from all over the world. Key exhibits include African Plains and Mzima Springs, the Asian Forest, and the interactive exhibit Boundless Budgies: A Parakeet Adventure where visitors can hand feed colorful, curious parakeets.

Atlanta is a remarkable city with lots to offer visitors. Looks like I’ll have to make a few more visits to take it all in. To learn more about things to do in Atlanta visit the Atlanta Convention & Visitors Bureau.

Read full story • Comments { 0 }
Habitation: Ditching Drama as a Lifestyle

Habitation: Ditching Drama as a Lifestyle

by on 15. May, 2013 in The Habitation Series

I used to enjoy drama in my life. No, let me be honest: I used to actually seek and attract drama, like confrontation in work situations.

Now? I consider stepping away from drama in my life as self care. Taking care of the home your soul lives in is just as important as taking care of the house you physically reside in.

Let’s pretend a pipe springs a leak in your home. First, the surface around the pipe gets wet, and then eventually, the moisture soaks into the layers causing long-term damage. Now, after repairs are made to pipe and the space around the leak has been mended, would you purposefully break the pipe again?

Of course not.

Then why, dear reader, do we insist on derailing our lives over and over again with people and attitudes that break the peace in our day-to-day?

When I was in my 20’s, I kept breaking the water pipes in my life over and over and over again. My toxic “friend” ended up being me. Gossip, judgment and the need to be seen as “the best” was all that was on my mind. As the old saying goes, “misery loves company,” so I spent most of my time with others who mirrored my negative mindset.

Confused, my husband commented that I just wasn’t acting like myself.  It stung my heart, but was what I needed to wake up from my drama-seeking ways.

I spent years sorting out my true character and had to practice being myself again. I let go of the fear of being judged. After hours of therapy and years of meditating on spiritually supportive Bible verses, I finally feel happy in my home.

I realized I wasted a lot of time skipping around in my drama. I lost potential friends, hurt feelings, and made a mess of myself.

But no more.

I broke up with drama a long time ago and am having a ravenous love affair with peace. Sure, we have our ups and downs but peace and I are getting more and more connected at the hip. The friends I let into my life now, while never free from their own struggles, are a consistent support and add quality, humor and friendship to my life.

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.
― William Shakespeare

Read full story • Comments { 6 }
BrianPlautzThumbnail

Man on Monday: Brian Plautz of Chroma

by on 13. May, 2013 in ATG Interview, Men on Monday

Chroma

Welcome to All Things Girl, Brian. Tell us a little about yourself. Where did you grow up, and where do you now call home?

I grew up in Shaker Heights, right outside of Cleveland. I went to a public school with a great music program. After moving to Boston to study at Berklee College of Music I come back to Cleveland only occasionally, referring to both cities as home.

Was music your first love, or did you have other interests first?

Fortunately I grew up in a household where a high value was placed on music. My parents have an eclectic music collection that we would always keep playing. I owe my interest in music to that early exposure, although there was a phase where I wanted to draw.

What attracted you to the saxophone, and when did you start playing?

I started in the school band program. Students could choose what instruments to play and I remember being taken aback that not everyone would join the band. I picked the saxophone because I loved the Sonny Stitt records that my parents showed me. I also find that the saxophone (tenor saxophone specifically) is very similar to the human voice. This vocal characteristic allows for unique expression and I recognized that when I chose to play.

When did you know you wanted to be a jazz musician?

When I discovered the emotional aspect of music, I got hooked. In improvisation, the player can connect with the band and audience in an inexplicable way. The mystery that sound could achieve this drove me to continue practicing and it become a fact that I would play music; one that I couldn’t question.

Which artists have inspired you and influence your style?

Sonny Stitt was my first musical idol, specifically his album Stitt Plays Bird, a dedication to the great Charlie Parker. Parker taught me a lot about phrasing and theory. The list can go on indefinitely, but namely Dexter Gordon, John Coltrane, Paul Desmond, Mark Turner, Kurt Rosenwinkel, Robert Glasper and Sonny Rollins. I want to make a note that this is a quick list of people that immediately popped into my head.

When did you come together with Alex Conroy, Joel Hill, Brian Benton, and Matt Raphaelian to form Chroma?

Brian Plautz of ChromaBrian Benton and I actually went to high school together. I met the rest here at Berklee in jam sessions. We all had similar ideas about music, which made it easy to create Chroma.

Pentameter is a gorgeous, lush album. It’s among my favorite purchases thus far this year. It features original modern jazz compositions, yet they have a really classic feel. What did you want to accomplish when you composed this album? Tell us a little about the process.

Thank you! That is a great compliment. Our goal is simple. Jazz music used to be popular music that people would go out and dance to. Since that time, jazz has grown to have a stigma that it may be unintelligible and academic. We wanted to create a modern jazz group that would be accessible, something that anyone could listen to, without sacrificing musical integrity. That is something we keep in the back of our mind while writing and playing, without letting it dictate our process. Being an entirely independent release, Pentameter is a direct reflection of our personal sound.

What do you love most about performing live? What do you find challenging about touring?

The emotional connection is by far what drives me to perform. Having that moment of true improvisation where statements are being made creates a euphoric sensation. I’m sure people have felt this. When you are at a show and you get goose bumps from a lyric or phrase. The performer feels that connection. As far as touring, the hardest thing may be finding time to eat. There are a lot of logistics that go into a tour that aren’t necessarily noticed by the audience.

You don’t just perform, you also teach workshops. Why is education and giving back to other young artists so important to Chroma?

Teaching is essential to the music tradition. Eastern countries often use an apprenticeship model in teaching music. Blues and jazz has always been an aural tradition. Each member of Chroma has been fortunate enough to study with masters in jazz and it is only right that we pass this knowledge to others. With the inconsistent state of the music industry, educated young artists are essential to keep music interesting and fresh.

When you’re not writing, performing your own music, or teaching, who are you listening to? Give us your top five songs or artists.

I’ll pick five artists that I’ve listened to this week:

  1. Gretchen Parlato
  2. Joe Henderson
  3. Margaret Glaspy (check her out!)
  4. Mozart
  5. A Tribe Called Quest.

What’s ahead for you, and for Chroma? Where can readers see you perform live next?

With Chroma, I’m excited to release two new videos very soon! This summer we will be focusing on writing and experimenting with some ideas. As far as shows, we will be playing in the Berklee Summer Series at Kendall Square and the Falmouth Jazz Festival. We have more dates listed under our events tab on Facebook. My events with and without Chroma are listed on my website: BrianPlautz.com.

Connect with Brian online or on Facebook at the links above, or on one of the following social media website:

Twitter: @BrianPlautz
ReverbNation: reverbnation.com/brianplautz
BandCamp: chromamusic.bandcamp.com

See the group in studio, performing one of my favorites songs from Pentameter, “Limitless.”

Read full story • Comments { 0 }
mother-daughter-feet-by-Melissa-A-Bartell

Sunday Brunch: Apostrophic Mother’s Day

by on 12. May, 2013 in ATG Editor Chatter

So, it’s Mother’s Day, at least in much of North America, and a few other places. Mexico, where my mother lives, celebrated it on Friday, as their Mother’s Day is always on May 10th, instead of being the second Sunday in May, or seventy-third day after the first dark Tuesday, or whatever. mother-daughter-feet-by-Melissa-A-Bartell But, anyway, it’s the day that we set aside to honor our mothers, or be honored as mothers. The latter doesn’t apply to me because after two miscarriages and turning forty-two (43 in a few months), I finally recognized that the universe knew I wasn’t meant for human parenthood, and was meant to only have “children” who come with four paws.

Ordinarily, I would use this space to talk about how mothers are people, too, or how it’s not anti-feminist to choose to be a stay-at-home mother if you have the means to do so, so long as it IS a choice, and so long as you respect that others may not make that choice. Alternatively, I might wax rhapsodic about my own mother, with whom I shared a Gilmore Girls-esque relationship until I was about twelve, when she married the man who has been my step-father for the last thirty years. I even took an informal poll of several of my friends, asking them about the best advice their mothers had ever offered them. (Thank you all, by the way, for responding.)

But that was before.

Before I realized that many people don’t like Mother’s Day, either because they had bad relationships with their own mothers, or because the hype and commercialism is off-putting. Before I bothered to read the history of this “Hallmark holiday.” Before I decided to learn – once and for all – whether the proper title was Mother’s Day or Mothers’ Day.

What I found out was interesting.

First, Mother’s Day (yes, it’s meant to be a singular possessive) was not originally a holiday meant to be celebrated with grand gestures and tons of publicity. Instead, it was the creation of one Anna Jarvis. Her mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, was an activist, of sorts. In the 1850s, she began hosting Mothers’ (plural possessive) Day Work Clubs to help other women learn about sanitation and proper child-care.

After the Civil War, those clubs continued, becoming a place where women on both sides of the conflict still came together. In 1868, Jarvis and some of her colleagues and friends organized Mothers (no apostrophe) Friendship Day – an event for mothers and ex-soldiers in both blue and gray uniforms came together to promote reconciliation. It was sort of a “Children, play nicely together – or else” admonishment on a national scale.

When Ann Reeves Jarvis died in 1905, her afore-mentioned daughter, Anna, began pushing the notion of a national holiday dedicated to the maternal influences in our lives, but – and this is key – she never meant for it to be full of over-priced floral bouquets and grocery-store chocolate. Instead, she intended Mother’s Day as an intimate event, when children honored their own mothers’ stories and sacrifices.

As Mother’s Day grew in popularity, and the commercial element glommed onto it, Anna Jarvis actually tried to disconnect herself from Mother’s Day, going so far as to lobby for it’s elimination from our collective calendar of events. When, in 1925, the American War Mothers used the holiday as a fundraising event (they sold carnations, which may explain why so many people include those flowers in their gifts to Mom), she crashed their convention. Another time, she went after everyone’s favorite FLOTUS, Eleanor Roosevelt, calling her out for using the day to raise money for charity (she was arrested). Eventually, she died, childless and penniless, in a Philadelphia sanitarium.

Today, billions of dollars are spent on Mother’s Day tchotchkes in the United States alone, and millions of mothers are forced to eat burnt toast and drink cold coffee in bed before receiving their gifts, which have gone far beyond cards and flowers, and now include everything from jewelry to electronics. (Seriously, I received marketing email suggesting I buy an iPad for my mother.)

So much for intimate reverence.

Now, I want to make it clear: I’m not anti-mother, and I’m not anti-Mother’s Day (although, I have to confess: I don’t believe that every mother is a hero – nor should she have to be), but if I have to choose Anna Jarvis’s original vision or the one created by Hallmark, Kleenex, and Kay Jewelers – not to mention Target, Best Buy, and Apple, I choose the former.

If my mother is to be believed – and I have no reason to doubt her veracity – the greatest give I can give her is the knowledge that I’m living a happy life, that I’m fulfilled by my work and hobbies, that I’m loved by my husband, and cared for by friends and family, that I have a place in my community, and that I’m strong enough to make my own choices, confident enough to try new things, wise enough to ask for help when I need it, and compassionate enough to give help where it is required

I’m pretty sure your mothers all feel similarly.

So, happy Mother’s (singular possessive) Day to MY mother, and to Ann Reeves Jarvis and her daughter Anna, and to all women, because even those of us who don’t have children, or who treat their pets as if they were children, are, in a sense, the mothers of our greatest selves.

Read full story • Comments { 1 }
iron man 3

The Mighty Kymm’s Deep Cuts: Iron Man III

by on 09. May, 2013 in ATG Editor Chatter, ATG Reviews

iron man 3

Hooray, the summer movie season has begun! “But Mighty Kymm,” I hear you cry, “It is not summer, it is the beginning of May, and it just totally snowed in Wisconsin!” This may be true, but it’s 93° here in LA, and also we are sick of the post-Oscars doldrums, and also we are ready for some comic book heroes and some explosions and some comic book heroes in explosions! Also, sequels!

Now, I understand that as a Serious Movie Reviewer™ I am supposed to decry the money-grubbing aspects of Hollywood movie making and state how sequels are ruining the state of movies today and bring me a Romanian drama about abortion any day. Nothing against Romanian dramas about abortion, but my opinion is, you can do anything well or poorly, and a sequel can be great (see Toy Story 2) or terrible (see Back to the Future 2) and why not judge the movie itself rather than the idea of the movie? Pardon me while I climb down from my high horse.

I didn’t see Iron Man 2, as I had heard that it stunk up the world, but I loved the original and had high hopes for this one. Which were met! Because it was awesome! There were lots of explosions and funny quips and flying around in the sky and rescuing people and hooray! It’s summer!

Okay, let me calm down and try to articulate a little better what I liked about the movie like a professional writing person, although it’s not like I don’t know that reviews aren’t what make people go see the superhero movies so much as the superheroes themselves. First of all, and this is what I loved about the first Iron Man, they cast world-class actors in it. Sometimes one gets the impression that some filmmakers just might put the acting ability of the cast farther back in consideration than, say, the cars that turn into robots, not that I am pointing any fingers, but Iron Man really went for the Oscar nominees/winners, the people that nobody could call hacks, and it all just raised the movie up 1000%. Robert Downey Jr., brilliant, Gwyneth Paltrow (I don’t care what the Paltrow haters out there say, get over the goop and watch the acting), terrific, Don Cheadle, great. And when you have real actors in an runny-jumpy-blowed-up-real-good kind of movie, that means that you can have sections where the actors are talking without making the audience want to kill themselves.

So, Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, (Downey), is upset and panicky after what happened in The Avengers last summer, and is making just lots of different suits, and apparently he and Pepper Potts (Paltrow) are an item, which I didn’t really know about having not seen Iron Man 2 (the reviews kept me away, see? Reviews really do matter to a superhero movie if it totally sucks hard!), and there is a really bad bad guy called The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley, giving his best performance since Sexy Beast) who is blowing things up, and the president is in trouble, and Don Cheadle is the Iron Patriot, and there is another guy who might not be entirely good (Guy Pierce), and there is a cute kid with a ’70s haircut who helps Tony when he is brought down pretty low and yet doesn’t ruin the movie, and frankly, who cares? It’s Iron Man 3, and it rocks out with its clock out!

Do you know how much of this movie I spent sitting forward in my seat, mouth agape, clutching my hair with my hands? Frankly, most of it. The barrel of monkeys sequence? Intensely fabulous! Gwyneth getting to do some badass rescuing herself? Oh yeah! The whole thing with The Mandarin in the house? Killer!

Look, just see the damn movie. And then see it again. And sit through the credits for heaven’s sake, it’s polite and you know by now that there’ll be something at the end of them. Welcome to summer 2013, it’s off to a mighty good start! Even in Wisconsin!

Read full story • Comments { 4 }
Girls’ Night Out

Girls’ Night Out by Jody Keisner

by on 06. May, 2013 in ATG Editor Chatter

I was in the midst of my first serious post-college relationship when my mother wondered aloud if I was a lesbian. “But I’m dating a man,” I stammered, even though she had met him. “We went out last night.” My mother and I were snuggled on a floral loveseat in my parents’ living room, our favorite place for side-by-side reading when I came home to visit. “I thought maybe you liked to date women,” she said. Because she observed me so often seeking the company of other young women for movies and dinner, my mother explained, she assumed that I preferred their company to men during other activities, too. She studied me through the third tiny window of her trifocals. Her observations gave me pause, but I understood why she was confused.

In high school I had attended after-school events and spent my weekends with the same 5 or 6 girls. Together, we had run track, watched horror movies, swapped homework, learned to drive, traveled on family vacations, and applied for college. We had spent many platonic nights in each other’s beds, whispering for hours about boys we had tender crushes on, first kisses, and the musical genius of the Violent Femmes. We tested out our budding ideological identities on each other.  We wouldn’t dare share our conversation topics with anyone else, especially when we talked about sexual abuse, body image, parental divorce, and the merits of the alcohol and cigarettes we occasionally sneaked from our parents’ liquor cabinets and nightstands.

My mother, on the other hand, was not one to spend free time without my father. My parents hadn’t seen a movie with any else in their 29 year marriage, not even once. If she spent time with another woman beside my younger sister or me, it was work related or invariably during a double-date. (She never would have used the term “double-date.”) Vacationing with a female friend was inconceivable. She found my enthusiasm for other women curious. Girls' Night Out

“I like men,” I said to her. “You know?” I cleared my throat. “In the bedroom.” I thought for a while so that I could best articulate how I felt: “But a boyfriend doesn’t fill all of my needs.” If my mother didn’t understand or couldn’t relate, she didn’t say. She accepted my social choices without further comment. I’ve since chalked up my mother’s puzzlement to a generational difference, a pre Sex in the City or Girls era.

My high school girlfriends and I disbanded shortly after that conversation for the usual reasons like long distance, differing interests, and petty fights. We were immature and not keenly aware of how important enduring female friendships would be to our emotional health, even if we had routinely professed our unanimous devotion. Breaking-up was painful, but I moved on.

Now, I spend a few nights every month with women I met during and after college, women I’ve known for as long as twenty years. Our girls’ nights out mean glitzy attire and dinner, or comfy clothes and a few bottles of wine at one of our homes, or a girls’ weekend spent somewhere like San Diego or Chicago. It matters less where we are or what we do. We just like being together. We’ve been by each other’s sides, quite literally, during career changes, marriages and divorces, the birthing and raising of children, diseases, deaths, financial woes, greatest fears, and personal triumphs. And we’ve endured our share of petty fights. We’ve also supported our girlfriends who have come out.

There are still things I can talk to my good girlfriends about that I can’t talk to anyone else about. I value their insights most. I trust them when I’m feeling vulnerable. We might discuss sexism in the workplace or the color and consistency of baby poo. My closeness to other women doesn’t translate into a weakened relationship with my husband. My girlfriends accept that parts of my marriage are off-limits, for instance, the actual sex parts. Sometimes, though, I whine to my girlfriends about a conflict I’m having at home. They reprimand me with tough love or commiserate. Regardless of their approach, I feel lighter and more optimistic when I climb into bed at night. Women who have strong friendships with other women are more likely to report significantly higher levels of happiness and health than the general population. The more girlfriends we have in our lives, whatever the reason, the better.

Read full story • Comments { 7 }
Happier & Healthier Living: The Unexpected Hobby

Happier & Healthier Living: The Unexpected Hobby

by on 05. May, 2013 in Living Happier & Healthier Lives

header-healthy3

There’s a confession I have to make, and it may startle some and confuse others. I’ve taken up knitting. That’s right, I’m a knitter.  

If you told me a year ago that I would be even remotely interested in knitting, I wouldn’t have believed it. I practically break out into hives when I enter any kind of craft store. There’s something about all of those aisles and aisles of undone projects and scratchy, plastic things that sets me on edge. My pathetic attempts at crafts in the past have yielded very poor results. Don’t even get me started on a bobcat mask I helped my daughter pull together for her Kindergarten project. It was scary. I still have a picture of it to remind me to let my kids do their own craft projects. The thing that surprises me the most about my new hobby it is helping me lead a happier and healthier life.

I’d tried to learn how to knit several times before, and it never stuck. I either lost interest, didn’t have time, or couldn’t figure out how to fit it into my life. Now that I’m no longer in corporate America and am at home, there are a few occasions during the day when I have down time because I am waiting for something, or I have a spare ten minutes that wouldn’t be enough to pick up a book, but certainly is enough time to do several rows of a lace scarf.

It all started when the local yarn store offered an introductory class, and my friends and I took it together. When I completed the hat as part of the class, I was hooked. It had been a lot easier than expected, and I could wear my hat with pride.

What’s great about knitting for a person like me is that progress is immediately visible. After working for many years as a project manager on work that isn’t tangible, it’s so satisfying to be able to see the fruits of my labor almost immediately. Since I’m an achievement-oriented person, I receive positive reinforcement with every completed row, every completed hat, scarf, or headband that I make.

I moved on from the introductory class to a class teaching how to work with colors in what’s called Faire Isle knitting. I made a headband according to the pattern and it turned out really nice. It felt so good to be in a class again, to be learning something new, to be able to apply what I’d learned to create something worthwhile.  

I firmly believe that the human brain is wired in such a way as to always be open to learning, to figuring something new out, to puzzling out an answer.  In his book on the brain, Brain Rules, John Medina covers to topic of how the human brain works and one of his rules is that we are powerful and natural explorers. As I flip through books of knitting patterns my imagination kicks in and I explore another aspect of this new hobby that I’ve adopted. Walking around a yarn store and seeing and feeling the yarns is another way that I explore. Wouldn’t that red wool yarn make a great sweater? How about that linen for a summer wrap?

The social aspect of knitting was something I didn’t expect. I know, many may laugh because they picture that the average age of anyone knitting is about eighty-five. But guess what? There are knitters of all ages, and I have met wonderful women who have shared their love of knitting with me. When knitting in class, we sometimes discuss other topics, and a whole new world of other ideas and perspectives is open to me that never was before. When I meet a woman who actually might be bordering on eighty-five, there’s so much to learn from her too, with her hand-written patterns and focus on making a sweater for a great-grandchild. Part of this new hobby I’ve adopted is that there is something about putting your own physical efforts into your work that makes it more meaningful than just buying a pair of mittens from Old Navy, and I bond with these knitters about that.

Unexpectedly, I’m a knitter.  

I’m really grateful that I’ve found this hobby, almost by accident. My grandmother on my father’s side was known as a great knitter, and my aunt on my father’s side knit two beautiful sweaters for me when I visited her in Bolivia. Maybe it runs in my blood.  But I think it’s more than that.

Knitting isn’t the only hobby or regular activity that provides such benefits. One of my friends does cross stitch, another likes to garden, another prefers cross fit. It’s all about what works for each person, what motivates him or her, and what keeps them interested. The point is to learn something new, stimulate the creativity, meet new people, have an adventure. I’ll take that over sitting in front of the television any day.

Read full story • Comments { 0 }
Older Entries »