All Things Girl

Whether we grow up to be modern and independent or more traditional, there is a time in almost every woman’s life when she’s a little girl dreaming about her ideal wedding. And Cynthia Silver, creator of the one-woman show Bridezilla Strikes Back! was no different. But then she grew up, and agreed to be part of a documentary. Even if she’d never created this performance piece, we think she’d be pretty fabulous. She recently let us interview her, and the result is a lovely glimpse into the world of a funny, wise, creative person. Enjoy!

Our readers may recognize your name, your voice, or your face – if not all three – but tell us a bit about who you are, and how you got where you are today.

I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area. My parents divorced when I was eight and my mom remarried when I was a Freshman in high school. A lot of changes and many challenges took their toll on my self-esteem and sense of belonging.

Theater was my safe haven. The place where I fit in, where I was free to express myself and where I felt heard. I moved to New York to attend NYU Tisch School of Arts, where I studied acting at the Atlantic Theater Company, founded by playwright David Mamet and actor William H. Macy. I remember after my first week of school, I called my mom and told her, “I’m home.”

Was a career in the performing arts always part of your plan, or did you dabble in other fields, first?

Well…I did have a 2-year stint as a “regular college student” before transferring to NYU.

It never occurred to me that a life in the theater was an option beyond being extra-curricular until I went off to UCLA as a “general studies” student. I flailed about, partied a lot, and got my heart broken. I left early in my third year.

Practically the day after I moved home to the Bay Area, I auditioned for a play at one of the most reputable community theaters on the Peninsula and was immediately cast. After that, I never considered a life without theater.

Is there a role model, mentor or other guiding force who helped you along the road to success?

Oh my goodness…so many!! But, since this is All Things Girl, I feel compelled to tell you about a group my dear friend, Marcia DeBonis formed called “The Hyphenates.”

We’re a group of actresses who all have at least one hyphen in their job descriptions. For instance, Marcia is an actress-casting director. Other members of The Hyphenates include actress-director-producer Carrie Preston, actress-writer Kellie Overbey, actress-dancer-writer-choreographer Susie Misner, actress-writer-director-producer Julie Ann Emery, actress-playwright Susan Ferrara. Last we counted, Mary McCann and I are neck-and neck for the most amount of hyphens. (Mary is an actress-teacher-executive director of the Atlantic Acting School-producer-entrepreneur-mother. And, I’m an actress-teacher-writer-director-producer-inventor-entrepreneur-mother.)

It’s a powerhouse group. And, although we’ve only met a few times in the last six months (which, in itself is pretty remarkable, considering our schedules!), so many benefits have already been reaped. New friendships and business relationships have been made and established. Last week, we got together and read Susan Ferrara’s brilliant new play, so she could hear it out loud and get honest feedback in a safe and trusted environment. It’s so inspiring and (sadly) refreshing to be in a room full of actresses supporting and celebrating other actresses.

As an entertainer, you live much of your life in the public eye. How do you balance your public and private personas? Is there a difference, or are you pretty much the same on and off the stage?

An actor is required to live truthfully and impulsively when acting out the given scenario of the story. We are to be fully in our bodies and engaged in the present moment, listening to our gut and trusting our instincts.

This is a tall order since, unfortunately, most of us live our lives in a state of self-consciousness. The act of being in the moment, therefore, is an altered state that requires continued and constant practice. So, it becomes next to impossible to compartmentalize the way I’m to approach imaginary circumstances with the way I approach my real-life circumstances. I am always striving to live whole-heartedly in the present tense, embrace challenge and lean into difficulty and let my imperfect self be seen.

Of course, that’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

Even in the arts, the job isn’t everything; other than the work we know you for, what are you passionate about?

Okay, my head is about to explode. There are just so many things I’m passionate about, hence all the hyphens!!!

What advice would you give to other women who want to do what you do?

Turn up the volume on your inner voice. That gut instinct that tells you when something is worth going for and that nagging feeling when something just doesn’t seem right. Saying no is just as, if not more, powerful as saying yes.

Now is your opportunity to tell us what we missed! What question should we have asked, that we didn’t (and what’s the answer to it)?

What is the genesis of your one woman show, Bridezilla Strikes Back!?

When I was planning my wedding in 2002, I was approached by a British production company to participate in a documentary series with the working title, “Manhattan Brides.”

It was pitched as a series about “…successful, New York women who, as well as preparing for the ‘W day’ are also running businesses, or careers. These women should represent how things are done, New York style.” It was to air on ITV in the UK and on the Women’s Entertainment Network in the US the following year.

I agreed to participate, and had a ball doing it until the footage was sold to FOX, and tellingly renamed “Bridezillas,” becoming a closer rendition of what ‘reality television’ exemplifies today. The footage was edited, resulting in a distorted portrayal of these very driven, ambitious, Manhattan career women as self-obsessed lunatics driven by perfectionism at any cost, including their relationships. This aired as a one-hour “special” on FOX, leading into their current hit at that time, “Joe Millionaire.” I was deemed “Neurotic Bride #2″ to the show’s eleven million viewers as one of the happiest days of my life was chronicled in perpetuity under the subtitle Life’s a Bitch and Then You Marry One! The eight-episode series then aired on the Women’s Entertainment Network. And, while WE’s tagline at the time was “WE empowers women,” I was mocked on TV, pilloried in the press and chat rooms, and ridiculed in re-runs and countless promos. Not to mention, the industry that I was attempting to make my mark in suddenly saw me as none other than reality TV trash. It was not pretty.

In an attempt to set the record straight and tell the story of my naive foray into the world of not-so-real TV, I took a solo show writing class taught by actor-playwright Matt Hoverman. I studied with Matt and did several workshops of my play for a year before enlisting the help of playwright Kenny Finkle to collaborate on the show that made its debut in 2005 at the NY International Fringe Festival. The show was one of the hits of FringeNYC that year, winning Outstanding Solo Show and gaining much critical acclaim. It also re-legitimized me in the eyes of the industry and put my acting career back on track. In fact, the initial reason fellow Hyphenate Marcia DeBonis and I are in each other’s lives began with her approaching me, in tears, after having just seen my show at FringeNYC. Not only has she become my professional Fairy Godmother, calling me in for roles she’s casting that I may be right for, but she has also become one of my dearest friends and confidantes since that day, bonding for the first time in lobby of the theater. The conversation started with Bridezilla Strikes Back! Lots of lemonade came from what was, initially, a mountain of lemons.

The show has had several incarnations since FringeNYC and is currently being presented at the Laurie Beechman Theatre, downstairs at the West Bank Café, a well known theater luminary hangout on 42nd St & 9th Ave in NYC. Initially, I was concerned that the show would be considered dated and no longer relevant, since reality TV has since become such a staple in the fabric of our culture. But, I have found that the show’s impact hits much deeper for that very reason. The part of the show where I venture online to read about what other women say about me, for instance. In light of recent events such as the political “war on women” and Ashley Judd’s “puffy face” ordeal, suddenly the cyber bullying I encounter on the message boards of TheKnot.com take on a whole new meaning. I’m more inspired than ever to bring as much truth and honesty to the piece as I can in hopes that perhaps the young women in the audience will think twice before lashing out and attacking the integrity of other women.

You can see Cynthia in her one-woman, award-winning show, Bridezilla Strikes Back! Saturdays in May at the Laurie Beechman Theater in New York City.

You can also find Cynthia online on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest or one of her two websites: BabyInTow.com or CynSilver.com.