I have a confession. I’ve stopped coloring my hair.
While this may not be stop-the-presses kind of news, I wanted to share with you here at All Things Girl.
Why? Because the motivations and reasons – and especially the inner critic arguments against my decision – are discussions that occur in the minds of many women.
The mind is a fascinating place to explore, especially the mind of an intelligent and creative woman.
I began coloring my hair, not to cover the grey, but in a way to explore different facets of my personality. The trigger was my divorce after 17 years of living the white-picket–fence life and my desire to transform myself from a boring mom and divorcee to something more exciting. Coloring my hair was a way to explore the wilder sides of my personality and to step into different roles and views of who I was and who I could be.
I became a redhead, and explored my sassiness and sexiness. I dove into deep chocolates and richness as I let my seriousness to be expressed as a brunette. I even tried for blonde and discovered that, at least for me, blondes did not have more fun. Changing my hair color was a way for me to express my moods when I couldn’t find the words.
What I didn’t expect was that as I bounced between the differing colors for my tresses, I stepped into my true self and found my voice.
As I once altered my outsides to express what I couldn’t find the words for, I’m at a point in my life where it’s time to experiment with my outsides again. This time, though, not to alter my hair color to play a role, but to allow natural beauty and fire to come to light again.
Un-apologetically. Unaltered. Pure Me.
The voices of my inner critic, of course, speak out at times. And I’ll admit that that mean voice has almost sent me back to my hair dresser, begging for her next color appointment.
Are you going to just let yourself go? Of course not. I still get regular hair cuts and manicures and such.
You know, men can go grey and it’s distinguished. But a woman going grey doesn’t take pride in herself. Really? That sounds like a double standard….
What if you go back to being BORING when you go back to that boring brown hair again? I am far from boring. And who said brown was boring?
And each question that surfaced, I considered. I looked for the truth within the arguments. And to be honest, found very little truth. Just fear of what others would think.
Let me tell you, baby: I have not fought to get to this space of authenticity to cave to “everyone’s” opinion that I’m letting myself go simply because I’m letting my true colors shine.
So, here I am more than six months after my last color appointment. The grey is minimal. And the “boring brown” I remembered from seven years ago is a far cry from the myriad of natural chestnut, auburn and grey strands that make up my personal shade of brunette.
This doesn’t mean that I’ll never again color my hair. But for now, I’m sticking with the plan of letting my natural colors come to light.
Because this is the real me. Sexy. Lively. Love-struck. Inside and out.
What about you? I’d love to hear your thoughts on coloring your hair, letting your grey come in, and how you are true to you.
LOVE this! Just this week, in fact, I’ve been thinking a lot about gray hair! Because those silvery bits of magic are starting to show up more in my brown hair… and the other day I asked my partner “Is it weird that I want MORE gray??” Partly, I think, because the gray hairs are the ones that catch the sunlight so beautifully. And partly because it reminds me that I’ve got some fabulous years tucked into my experience (I’m 43).
And, truth be told, my partner has the most amazing crop of mostly gray-silver hair and I think it is stunningly beautiful.
Thank you so much, Starla. And you are expressing some of my non-inner-critic voices: the silvery bits, when colored, were showing all kinds of light catching magic and I wanted to see what was underneath the color!
And – that the grey is a part of my age, just like the crinkles around my eyes: they show a well lived life of richness and experience that I have lived.
I love that after the years together, you recognize the beauty of your partner as life has changed for both of you, too. ;-)
Debra,
I have not seen my natural hair color since I was 16 and I do not think I am ready to take the plunge and be the “real” me. I really do love experimenting with different colors and also feel like I have stepped into my true voice in the process. You are so lovely and bold, and I love it when you say: “Because this is the real me. Sexy. Lively. Love-struck. Inside and out.”
A beautiful and honest article!
-elizabeth
Darling, Elizabeth. You will be ready when you are ready – and what is important is that the “real you” does show up in your writing. ;-)
Thank you for your kind words, Debra. I suppose I will be ready one day, or maybe I will be dumping chemicals on my head until I am 90! -elizabeth
LOL. My guess is that when I become ALL grey, I will once again want to play around with color.
It’s all about what fits us in any particular stage of our life at the moment – which is what makes women such beautiful creatures