I recently found myself in the uncharted waters of a happy relationship. In the past I had become accustomed to weathering the storm and battening down the hatches in my somewhat turbulent love affairs. This was different. The sun had come out and here I was face to face with a beautiful vista akin to the sunset over the ocean.
On New Year’s Eve I met the man of my dreams. I hate to sound so cliché but I do not know how else to describe him. He is definitely my match on every level. He is my companion and challenges me intellectually. The first few days of our romance were absolute bliss. Then out of nowhere came alarm bells in the depths of my mind. I thought I saw a storm on the horizon.
This was too good to be true.
I did what many women do. I started questioning myself, then him, then us. I started picking apart every conversation, e-mail, and text message from him. I looked for old patterns from previous relationships to see which one he fit into so I could be prepared for the inevitable storm.
All my panic and anxiety was for naught. After a few weeks I realized that this really was different, and through my trepidation I decided to ride the wave.
One of my intentions for the year of 2012 was to let go of my fear of commitment (which only very late in 2011 did I realize was even an issue). The Universe certainly blessed me with a wonderful test of my conviction! Every day I take a moment to relish the feeling of being in love. But I don’t let it define or change who I am at my core.
I still go out for coffee with my friends, I still study my Spiritual work, I still read books, and watch girly sitcoms. But everything in my life has a newfound sense of happiness and peace. It’s like adding honey to cornbread…just a little hint of extra sweetness, a sweetness that is now permeating everything.
I have to be honest here, I thought this kind of thing only happened in the movies. I thought Hollywood was just making all this stuff up. However, it seems there are those out there that will still hold doors open, bring you roses “just because”, and refuse to let you carry in the groceries. I am particularly happy about that last one. I am not a fan of the grocery store marathon.
I should share that I had some pretty difficult releasing to do before I could have had room in my life for this kind of happiness. I spent a lot of time with my journal and bending the ears of my friends before I was ready to say (and really mean) that I would rather be alone that be unhappy with someone. Breaking that unhealthy connection – for good – was one of the absolute hardest things I ever had to do. It was so hard because I didn’t want to hurt the person who was hurting me. Eventually I realized that I had to be the strong one and walk away. Relationships are just like surfing: You have to fall down a few times to learn the basics, and you have to take a big risk on a big wave to get the ride of your life.
Some Tips to Ride The Wave (even when the water is choppy):
- As always: go to your journal first! Write it out before you start blabbing to your friends. You may find that the underlying feelings were linked to something you don’t really want to share yet.
- Take lots of walks. They help to ground you and clear your mind, plus they release endorphins when you are still in that “I can’t quite let go yet” phase.
- Put inspiring notes up everywhere. “it’s not you – it’s them!”
- Make a “happy place” in your home that is just for you.
- Stay active, get out of the house, keep living!
Good luck fellow surfers.