I have a confession: When it comes to love, I have been selling myself short. For years. I have sold the best of me at rock bottom prices. Auctioned off my heart to the lowest bidder. But I’m here to say that I can no longer do this. I have taken myself off the discount rack and marked my heart back up to full price.
In the past, my method for screening potential mates has involved a complex algorithm that even I don’t fully comprehend. What I do know is that I took all my years of experience, added in a measure of pain, and multiplied it by my capacity for deep love to come up with a formula for heartbreak.
Often in matters of the heart, I aimed low. I always intended otherwise, but the results revealed the opposite. I dated some real winners. And, although some of these winners have been truly nice people, let’s just agree (as my friends all do) that they were not for me.
My tendency in the past to select unsuitable partners was not because I believed that I didn’t deserve someone amazing, nor because I had remarkably low self-esteem. No, it’s not something that I intellectualized, as if I thought that I wasn’t worthy or that I thought that I had nothing to offer, it was a feeling deep in my core and the way I saw relationships modeled. Perhaps this rings true for you, too.
Maybe as a young child when you were growing up (like me), your single mom didn’t value herself and her worth in the world, and even though she told you that you deserved all the good the world could hold, what she did in her own life belied those words. This situation, where the talk doesn’t match the walk, leads to a schism between the heart and head. Yes you know, you are indeed and wholeheartedly cognizant of that fact that you rock, but the person you looked to during your formative years for guidance about the way the world works showed a very different way to be in intimate relationship to another. Yes, this verily sucks.
So allow me, dear reader, to counsel you for a moment—please, do not do this. Do not do as I have done. If you have or do sell yourself short, stop it. Now. It’s that easy. Really.
There is no limit to what you are capable of, and no cap on the love your heart can feel. So why do we, many of us, settle for less than we deserve? Why do we compromise on what we want? Why do we sell ourselves short when it comes to affairs of the heart?
First, let’s consider the most important relationship you will ever have; no not the one with your parents, partner, siblings, or your children. No, the most important relationship you will ever have, and the one that determines how all your other relationships fare, is the relationship that you have with yourself. How you feel about yourself informs everything you do when relating to others, whether lovers, friends, or colleagues—Hell, it probably even determines the way you talk to the cashier at the grocery store. Therefore it is of utmost importance that this primary relationship, the one between you and your hot and glorious self, is bomb-proof. Air-tight. Solid.
The amazing thing about getting good with yourself is that you don’t need more self-help books, twenty additional years of therapy, or more experience to start. You just need to step away from the past and into the now. You need to stop selling yourself short.
Consider this: You are unique; you have something to offer—many things that no one else on the planet has in the same combination. Isn’t that cool? You are made of lots of good characteristics and some not-so-savory bits, too. That’s just as it should be. You are worth it. You do deserve it. The universe vibrates in a delicious way when you step into the space of self-love. So I ask you, challenge you, beg you, to do one thing different today—stop selling yourself short and step into your light. Love is already there waiting for you.