Forever by Roxanne Ravenel

The problem with forever is… well, it’s a mighty long time. I remember watching an interview Oprah was doing with Cameron Diaz for one of the many Shrek movies. Cameron had been dating Justin Timberlake for quite some time. Oprah pried about whether there was a ‘forever’ in Cameron’s future. Cameron’s response was something to the effect of: ‘I don’t know who I’m gonna be in five years. How can I commit to the fact that I’ll love you forever.’ Oprah – with her ongoing, but not ‘forever’ relationship with Stedman – heartily agreed. In fact, I seem to remember high fives being involved.

Cameron’s statement may seem a bit harsh in the land of fairytale love we’d all like to live in. However, I’ve been married for 20+ years and I have to admit: I see her point.

There are so many things about us that change over the years. Our taste in music, movies, friends, and relationships may change. (Ever looked at old photos or watched what once was your favorite TV show and cringed?) Our bodies aren’t as slender (if ever they were). Those insidious gray hairs pop up in the unlikeliest of places. Our temperament may change. I was a pushover a good portion of my life. I am still patient and polite, but there is a good chance you’ll see the flip side of Ms. Sunshine (let’s call her Stormy) if you push too hard.

While it makes sense that this might be an issue for someone who married young, as I did, the truth is we are all constantly growing and changing. Even a couple that starts off with a lot in common may find that they have grown apart over the years. ‘Growing apart’ isn’t just some bullcrap excuse couples use when they are ready to call it quits. It is a phenomenon that many couples (and friends, for that matter) struggle with.

It may take two years or twenty years, but growing apart – finding that you now have very different interests and goals – is something that happens to a lot of couples. If you find this to be the case in your relationship it is something that must be addressed. It won’t resolve itself. It won’t just go away. Effort is required.

Share each other’s interest. Go to a game with him. Go see the action movie this time. Because he wants to. Take dance lessons. Go to the theater, the ballet, or the museum. Because she wants to. Listen to each other rather than talking over each other. Take a genuine interest in each other’s projects. Put your best effort into trying to reconnect with your partner. Whether that effort brings you closer together or makes it clear that it is time to make a new life apart.

Forever is scary. Forever is challenging. Forever is hard work. But it can also be wonderful, exciting, and comforting. Forever can feel like shackles around our hands and feet or it can be freeing, something that gives our lives new purpose. The truth is the idea of forever can be terrifying. But when forever is embarked upon by two people who truly want to make it happen, forever can be wonderful – not perfect – but truly good.

Forever is a mighty long time. The beautiful thing about forever is that it represents endless possibilities. Our interests, tastes, and sometimes even beliefs change. As we evolve so can our relationships if we are committed to making the effort for as long as it takes, that is, forever.

Roxanne is a freelance writer and a girlfriends getaway guide. Roxanne loves a great story, movies, music, art, and culture. She recently completed her second novel and is chasing her dream of being a published author of women’s fiction. She resides in North Carolina with her husband and son where she enjoys copious amounts of sunshine and tries desperately to avoid the ubiquitous bad drivers.